Today was not so bad.

Indeed. My kids got along with me much better than yesterday, had more fun, and generally were better about doing things as a group. Except for that one small incidents (kid hit another kid).

Dinner was good. The Trinity Woods woods are absolutely crawling with ticks. I found 7 on me tonight. Not Good. So now I'm making extra sure to check myself for ticks every night. I'm also going to invest in a very good bug spray in the very near future.

I have a tick on my ass that I can't reach.

I think that until I adjust to work and can be creative/thoughtful while doing other things, I'm going to save all my really good, important posts for the weekends. So you get five days of drivel and two days of stuff worth having. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

One day down. until August 11th to go.

They cooperated, but not really. I'm not sure that I like that, but I haven't really established myself yet.

I'm exhausted, but we will wake up tomorrow and keep on going.

I might move into my place on Friday. That's good.

Needs to relax. Grace is a wonderful cook.

Battery on computer is low. Needs to stop.

That what I'm made of post is still coming. It's simmering for a while, so I hope it turns out really well.

Delay of post.

I'm having trouble posting tonight. I'm a mite livid over a matter of punctuality, anxious about camp, and eager to have new living arrangements. I'm also somewhat distracted by a rather loud tv over my left shoulder. We'll try this yet again later.

What I'm Made Of (preliminaries)

This is just a placeholder for another post I am going to make using these song lyrics. I'll just post them here to remind me to write the post later.

I don't care what you're thinking as you turn to me.
Cause what I have in my two hands is enough to set me free.
I can fight the feeling to resist it over time,
But when it's just too much to take you sneak up from behind

Is it me--you say--you're looking for?
Let me show you who I am and what I'm here for (here for)

Try to reach inside of me,
Try to take my energy.
Let me show you just what I'm made of!
Simple curiosity,
Try to take a bite of me.
Let me show you just what I'm made of now!'

Like a million faces
I recognize them all
And one by one they've all become a number as they fall
In the face of reason, well, I can take no more
One by one they all become a black mark on the floor.

Is it me--you say--you're looking for?
Let me show you who I am and what I have in store (in store)
Try to reach inside of me,
Try to take my energy!
Let me show you just what I'm made of!
Simple curiosity,
try to take a bite of me
Let me show you just waht I'm made of now!

Try to take a bite of me (let me show you what I'm made of)
Try to take my energy (let me show you what I'm made of)
Just let me show you just what I'm made of!

Re-times, Trinkwheel

I've spent just about my entire weekend with my baby brother. We've made circuits (in series and parallel), played the free Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends game on www.cartoonnetwork.com, watched tons of Foster's, played Phantasy Star Online, Sonic Riders, and Ninja Turtles Yahtzee. I'm a mite worn out.

Now I've eaten a pint of chocolate ice cream. Brother Dallas is in bed at last, Brother Aaron is getting silly in people's faces, and Brother Jason is playing around with video games. We've learned that the internet is for porn (why you think the net was born?) and that fat-bottomed girls make the rockin'world go round.

I'm tired and a bit silent on the outside and a wee bit louder on the inside. I'm just waiting for something to do. It's fun. We've got a lot of files to burn onto some CD's.

Tomorrow is going to be fun. Church, lunch, Grace at home, and then checking about an alternative to my current living situation in Macon. We'll have fun.

Pre-camp and home.

Pre camp was very lax. I rather enjoyed it. We played kickball, dodgeball, two-square/playground, and then the creek. I used the water bottles that were empty to make squirt guns. Amazing what a few pinholes in a bottle cap will do.

Then I went home. Clyde is too busy having fun making nothing happen with a mini electronics kit his dad gave him.

I'm beat. I plan on spending tonight doing a bunch of nothing.

Wanderlust.

Recently, and the week just after graduation especially, I have been plagued by recurring bouts of wanderlust. I don't want to go home, but I feel like there's nowhere to go. So I tend to be a bit aimless in my comings and goings.

I think it's due to the change that's been happening a lot. I'm more or less on my own, transitioning from a low-involvement job to an extraordinarily high-involvement job, seminary plans seem to be defining themselves more sharply more quickly than I had expected, and I feel a measure of religious freedom by not being constantly surrounded by Idiot Protestants. Granted, I will have to work with a few this summer, but lucky for me I won't have to interact with them so much as the kids I'm taking care of.

I don't think I'll be able to settle until the rest of my life settles. It makes sense, I guess. Tomorrow, we have work, and then straight to home. I'm going to go hang out with Clyde so the resident couples can go on dates.

I am the Captain.

My camp name for the summer is Captain. I chose the name because I'm still under the influence of Firefly and because I figured if I referred to my group as my "crew" they might like me more and I might be able to think of them more as a group of people rather than a bunch of individuals. It'll help me plan their weeks out better that way.

I've decided that my group will be close knit and prone to pranks and such on the other camp groups. For example, if I discover that one set of campers are making things in the pole barn that won't be hurt if they get wet, then my group shall bomb them with water balloons. Or something like that.

I am also quite intent that my group should learn something useful that they will enjoy at least once a week at camp. For the first week, I have decided to procure a broken CPU and show them what the insides are like, how to install and remove RAM, and other such things as that. I figure most of those kids will already know something about computers, or at least be very very interested in them, so this might work well for them.

As for the other weeks, we will see what happens according to the kids' interests and such.

Hello, I am your teacher. Or for those of you who are bolder; O Captain, My Captain.

Why I love the martial arts.

Today at tae Kwon Do I had the most rigorous class I believe I have ever had. I loved it. The teacher was very particular about making sure the class' punches and kicks were on target. She was also very insistent on correct stances. She also made each belt do all the forms starting from white belt up to the student's current belt level. It was insane.

But it's times like those that I feel most alive. At Tae Kwon Do I get concentrated on the techniques, so my mind is focused and my body is focused. Then when we shout (I can't spell the proper word for it), It connects my soul to the drills and I feel very much myself. Truly myself.

I hope class will see more of the same in the future. I might just have to start going more often on Tuesdays.

Good old manual labor.

There's freedom in it. Some of the happiest people in the world go home everyday stinking to high heaven.

That about covers yesterday and today. Now to talk about something more along the lines of what I really care about: God.

You ever have those experiences where you have a decision to make, but you can't really find the other option? I mean, when you're making a decision it naturally makes sense that you would have at least two choices.

In this case, there's only one scenario. I suppose I have a "yes" answer and a "no" answer, but I think it's going to play out a particular way whether or not I say "yes."

Most of this has to do with seminary. That's about all I will say about that.

I spent a good majority of my day today with Grace. That was nice. I haven't seen her for a week.

Progress is our most important product.

This morning I woke up at 9. Hush all you who wake up earlier every day. It was a big accomplishment for me.

I returned a DVD to Blockbuster and came home. Then it happened.

I wrote half of the Techie-tome (The instruction manual for the person doing Lord's Players' light and sound work). It was good. I wrote eleven pages in about an hour and a half. Granted most of those pages were just lists of all the things I remembered seeing in the LP trailer, but even so I feel good.

Today I am also getting an official transcript to send to McAffee to complete my application and seal my acceptance to their school. I also need to get in contact with them and ask them to postpone my enrollment. Monday will work.

My affairs post-college are nearly settled. Then we get to do life!

Living vs Surviving.

I told my mom about a particular offer for a living arrangement and she thought it would be good. Generally if Mom thinks something about money and people, it tends to come true. So I'm not too worried.

I also have more food than I know what to do with, also thanks to Mom.

There's more to living and I'm only surviving.
Maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying.

Killer Jell-o until 3 in the morning.

Sorry I've not posted every night like I said I would. The last two nights have been a mite wild.

Night before last I hung out with William. I got re-acquainted with alcohol and played some pool. Then I slept in the most comfortable recliner I have ever seen in my entire life. But the coolest part was (and this is cool because of how wierd it is) is that I had no idea it was morning unless I got out of the recliner and walked about halfway down the hall that adjoined the recliner's room to the bathroom.

Last night I stayed up very late playing a game called Baldur's Gate with my younger brother, Aaron. We fought rats, kobolds, zombies, and these big blue cubes of what looks like killer Jell-o. There were smaller green versions as well. We had way too much fun.

After school.

Well, I have been out of school for nearly a whole day now and everything feels very still. I don't think I can afford my current living arrangement for terribly long, so starting tomorrow I will have to start looking for cheaper living. Oi. As I was unpacking my things today I suddenly felt very sad and depressed about the whole thing. I figure that at my current pay at the camp I might not have enough to eat after I pay rent. The waiter sent me a rather large reality check, as it were. After unpacking my things and feeling very much isolated and doomed, I did the only thing I could think of to do: I took a rather long nap. Then I woke up, got some soup, watched Bruce Almighty (which was oddly therapeutic) and now I feel much better. I have training tomorrow afternoon, but not much else, so I'm going to probably go buy some soap and some laundry detergent (thought I might do that this evening), do some laundry, and look for cheaper housing.

We can't let fear stop us. I'm not afraid of the darkness!

Commiseration.

My sophomore year I began something like an institution, but clearly was not one. We didn't get Bear Grant money. I called it "Commiseration" because that year it seemed that so many people were having perfectly horrendous years (myself included). My roommates, who all seemed to be having a secretly disasterous time with themselves, and myself who tended to wear that perfectly disasterous time right out there on my sleeve, were all going to get together in our dorm room on a certain day at a certain hour and not be late on pain of death. John was a bit late, but he brought goodies. So I forgave him.

Then we sat down and discussed what was ailing us. This took quite a while, you can imagine. So we talked, joked, and laughed as roommates for the first time that school year and in one night (I think) managed to salvage the entire thing and make something good out of it.

The next year was much better and commiseration did not occur as it did before. Well, it did occur in a way, but was very much restricted to myself. More on that later, but I wager half of you already know that story.

This year has been pretty good all around. I've only had two Big Uglies rear up this year and both are out of my hair--presumably forever. I like that: commiseration was set up due to a dire emergency anyway, and I'd like to keep it that way.

At first I had discussed doing a commiseration this year for some of the other people I knew. I myself did not have too many notable things worth talking about, but it seemed that several others did. Unfortunately one of the rules for commiseration is that either all people meet on common grounds (like when my roommates and I sat down in our own room), or if all the people meet on completely neutral ground. I didn't want one person to feel responsible for one thing or another because everyone was meeting at that person's place. So commiseration didn't happen. Maybe later I'll find a reason for commiserating again. But for now, I'm glad to see the practice gone. It means there's not much to bring people down.

Potential.

The door has opened...

Time and again we come to places in our lives where we find the opportunity to do something entirely different with ourselves. We are able to leave behind the mundanity of our current situations and strike out for something new.

The door has opened! Now we can go to the outside world!

In cases of college life, we are finally--at last--given the chance to be truly on our own and experience things we never could before.

Once we step through, we might not be able to come back.

Most people leave the college life and never again return to it. Some go straight from college to grad school. Others take a break from studying and then return to their educations later on down the road.

We may never see our parents again. There's no turning back.

We can't be children anymore after college. Those that try often don't make much of themselves or become a burden on their families. It's funny how some people react so strongly in a negative way to the idea of being free to be responsible for themselves, especially after they talk about how much they've wanted to be out from under their parents' rule since they were freshmen in high school.

But this may be our only chance. We can't let fear stop us!

For some, college is one of the only way to open the necessary doors to freedom. College allows a person to get a job that won't be near the family or the town they grew up in. If not, then it is certainly the thing that will do the job best. But growing up thinking that the world is a rather sucky place and that the government is out to get us and that everyone will squash you if you give them half an inch isn't a very nice outlook. In fact the world can sometimes appear to be a dark and scary place.

I'm not afraid of the darkness!

Standing on the dark edge of freedom, we must then be careful to step out boldly into the world and do the best we can--even though we are still learning. And when we step out boldly we must also take care not to start out feeling mad or spiteful, but with happiness and excitement. After all, it is an adventure. Why shouldn't adventures be fun?

Puddleglum is my hero.

In The Silver Chair, a rather pessimistic creature named Puddleglum is standing with three humans trying to fight off an enchantment cast upon them by a witch. While they are all trying to describe to her what Narnia is like, what the sun is, and who Aslan is (They're underground, you see), Puddleglum breaks the spell and then delivers this speech. And this speech makes Puddleglum my hero.

"One word, Ma'am" he said, coming back from the fire; limping because of the pain. "One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one thing more to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things--trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentelmen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for the Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's a small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say."

And that has got to be the best explanation I can ever come up with as to why religious people believe what they believe even if they can't come up with better descriptions than that what they believe in is like one thing or another. Stuff Freud with his Father figure bull-shit. Stuff those scientists and so -called "smart people" who think that the only thing we can ever really know is what 's around us. Even if Jesus is all just a dream, I'm going to follow it anyway. The world is just too sucky a place not to.

The Chronic-what-cles of Narnia.

So far at work this week I've read the entire Chronicles of Narnia except for The Silver Chair and The Last Battle. These books have captivated my imagination to a startling degree. I love Aslan, and I find myself actually wishing I could meet him. I'm also jealous of Lucy because of all the time she gets to spend with Aslan in the books. I know Aslan is supposed to be symbolic of Jesus, but I've never heard of Jesus described in quite so wonderful terms as Lewis does Aslan.

Maybe someday I'll be able to have an "Aslan" experience.

Running.

Sometimes it feels like I'm running away.

feels away.

Sometimes it seems like I'm running towards something.

running towards ?

I wonder which it is sometimes.
wonder is it?

I wish that I could tell the difference.
Make

The

Difference

Until then, what difference does it make?

Until then, I'll just keep running and watch to see if I catch what I'm looking for or if it catches me.

Bacchus' Sigh.

Somehow when I read the last chapter of Prince Caspian and read over the parts where Bacchus and his revelers made vines and deep, rich wines, I thought about Patrick. Bacchus, the god of wine, represents the intoxicating power of wine and all its social benefits. Patrick reminds me very much of Bacchus, especially when he throws parties and the like. He cooks, he entertains, mixes drinks (the part that's most obviously like Bacchus), and offers a place where people can relax.

With any luck I'll have other such comparisons to make as I read more mythology. Maybe after a while I'll have classical gods to compare to all my other friends as well.

A not-so-quiet afternoon at work.

(Evidently if you press enter after entering the title of the post it'll post a blank entry.)

My workplace has been invaded by a small group of 1st year medical students. A small one, yes, but spunky and silly enough to leave a mess in the classroom. My only comfort is that I don't have to clean it up. But this also means that I'm going to get interrupted with my book if they ever decide to check anything out (knock on wood).

Lucky for me they shut themselves into the classroom so I don't have to see or hear them at all. We hope.

After the 13th, I'm going to take a friend's advice and post everyday. I felt like if I posted that here, then it would make me more inclined to do it.

My boat.

You're coming with us.

Strange. At the end of my college career I find myself giving in to the little bug that hits most every graduating student in the history of higher education: senioritis.

I'm relaxed, most anything and everything relating to this school (academic, administrative, or otherwise) doesn't concern or bother me in the least, and I don't mind sitting on my tail doing nothing all day at work (though that will change when summer hits).

I wouldn't say that I don't care about any of this, though. I still acknowledge my school work and my job responsibilities and the like. They just don't give me reason to go nuts.

You don't seem to care about the destinations.

Right now I have no clue about my future plans outside of the immediate future (working at a day camp for the summer), and the more distant future (graduate school and earning my M. Div in Counselling from McAffee School of Theology). Outside of those two things I've got nothing. And it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

What you care about are the ships and mine's the nicest.

As it stands my budget is quite limited. I fully intend to eat ramen for at least one meal out of the day, if not two meals. I plan to go out very seldom and entertain myself with what I have--which will mean a great deal of games and parkour. But I'm looking forward to it. It sounds cozy and relaxed.

She don't look like much.

Granted it's not what I had specifically planned for my straight-out-of-college life, but It'll be fun. I lived a mite meagerly last summer. I slept on a dirty floor on top of a sleeping bag. I ate rice, ramen, and Chep Boyardee for a majority of my meals. I walked nearly everywhere I went and ate my meals on top of a pool table. This summer looks to be a bit nicer than the last, but I still plan on living humble.

Oh, she'll fool ya.

I figure that the less I have, the less I'll need to worry about. I'll have insurance to pay and loans to work on, not to mention rent and groceries. Right now I don't need much responsibility. With a lack of options on where to go and what to do it'll give me time to do stuff for myself. I got books I want to write, things to think about, and a stomach to flatten. It'll give me time to truly take care of myself, I think.

You ever sail in a Firefly?