I want ______.

I want to learn martial arts (some kind of kung fu or drunken boxing).

I want to get in shape.

I want to parkour every day.

I want to get to grad school already!

I want to earn a nickname.

I want to live in my own place.

I want to see my girlfriend more than once a week.

I want to acquire an active mentality.

I want to get published.

I want to see God with my own two eyes.

I want to believe God.

I want to believe in God.

The _________

It seems that I rarely than ever write in my journal anymore. I've also found that when I finally do, there's a lot I want to write about. It's frustrating. So I'm just going to write until I run out.

Chocolate makes some people feel good. It makes them feel pleased, gives them small spurts of energy, and makes them laugh. Chocolate makes me depressed, panicky, and full of anxiety. I hate chocolate. In fact, if I can help it, I shall resolve to never eat it again.

Panic comes mostly at times when I'm going to be at celebrations with friends and family. So does pensive thought. And doubt. At the times when I'm surrounded by the most people I should be excited and looking forward, but instead I am sullen and look back.

I worry about things that are gone. What if? What will happen?

I want to sleep. I want to stay up and face issues.

I want to do a Kong Vault. I've been trying to practice them all week and have yet to do it. That blows.

In the next few days my life will stop balancing at this apex I am at and will be either really really good or really really bad. I'll know about a new job, grad school, and (maybe) a place to stay that's not my parents' house.

If I kept my own work hours, I'd never get paid.

Resolution and closure is hard to obtain when it comes to some things. Closure to depression is attainable. Closure and Resolution to self-doubt, love ancient, and purpose is harder to find. It's like the ultra-rare item you can only find in the most dangerous places after days or weeks of risking your neck.

In the future I will make a Soundtrack of my Soul. I'll make it onto a CD and then pass it out to anyone interested.

BBL