Weight Loss. I needs it.

I been going on and on to various people about how badly I need to lose weight. I haven't done much about it though due to me making excuses. I guess I just don't know what end I need to put to my workout. When I was a sophomore it was to attract women. That went over well (<--Sarcasm). So I did it to relieve stress. Also by then, it was a habit.

The summer after that my workout was my job. Landscaping meant lots of heavy physical labor and I was bronzed and chiseled by the end of the summer. I had nothing else to do or look forward to besides work. So I poured myself into it and just focused on the job.

And now?

I need it to keep a modicum of my sanity, I guess. I need to ride a bicycle, jog, or something. Unfortunately it seems like my back is still hurting from the beach so many weeks ago and it's enough of a detriment to make me not want to do any exercise at all. But I need it. I need to do something to feel accomplished. I reckon that's going to have to be my motivation.

I work out for the sake of accomplishment, and nothing else beyond it. I'm also genetically predisposed to high blood pressure and other heart problems, so I should be watching my diet for the sake of my heart.

I just have to remind myself that this endeavor, no matter how hard or hopeless it may seem (like the rest of my endeavors) is not pointless. It's not all bullshit.

It's not bullshit.

I'm not going to say it!

I refuse to use that word.

You know.

The C-word.

If I do, then it's going to happen.

It also happened a year ago.

Shouldn't be happening yearly.

It's not good.

Not good at all.

Small.

Last time I felt this small was my freshman year of high school. Walking up to people feeling like a scared little mouse and making an effort to talk about what was important to me without withering. Beside myself with embarrassment and meekness as I discussed my interests. Taking a deep breath and building up my courage to speak to someone I liked.

I feel small.

When the Howard Dean yell is not enough.

There's only so much you can do when pumping your fist in the air and mimicking everyone's very favorite political yell is not enough to keep the pressure off. Sure it feels like a burst of steam being released from the pressure valves of your sanity, but that's not always enough.

Therefore I'm bringing back Free-ballin' Friday.

That's right. Every Friday from now until I feel that my life is brought back to the usual frame of reference I enjoy, I'll be going without my underwear. I also invite you all to do the same.

I have my days. A couple of days ago I made it through the day without much internal strife. Some days it's a pretty big effort to get out of bed.

For the past 8 days I haven't gotten up before 11am.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get my resume out there. There's one or two agencies in town where I can drop my resume. Also need to visit a church today.

Next week when I have a day, I'm going to visit a college and speak to a human being about earning a teaching certificate. I'm basically out of ideas.

The GACE happens August 23. That'll be important.

After that, who knows?