Children's television sucks. I will not cite these reasons because these are the ones that anyone can site: 1) The values the television shows put forth are horrid; 2) The lazy asshole is the one everyone loves and the people that are good are constantly at odds with the asshole and never win.
Instead I'm going to cite this one reason: Mere subject matter. Most cartoons nowadays don't really have a point. If you don't believe me, try watching The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Spongebob Squarepants, or Camp Lazlo. The other shows that have a point (Good vs. Evil, dealing with friends, parental issues, etc) are all tried and dull. Krypto the Superdog, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Fairly Odd Parents, and Ed, Edd, and Eddy come to mind for these.
NOTE: I love Ed, Edd, and Eddy, and Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends. But not for what the actual material is.
Instead, most of these cartoons are filled to the brim with idiocy, mundanity, and cheese factor.
Now for my number one question: What happened here? Children's shows when I was younger had stupidity (Animaniacs) and Cheese Factor (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers), and mundanity (What the hell was that show called?). But there was something to most of them (I won't exclude Animaniacs in this because it was mere silly entertainment, but a sight cleaner and at least more light hearted. And the assholes never won out).
Power Rangers was full of cheesiness. The acting was big and melodramatic. Every villian, robot, and morphed Ranger used large, staccato gestures. The terminology was incredibly funny. I mean, what the heck are Mega-receptors? But there was something of valor in them. The villians, thought they lost always, knew weaknesses to exploit, and had plans to make the good guys squirm. And squirm they did. The vile witch Rita Repulsa played on the Blue Ranger's fear of fish by sending down a fish monster to destroy the world. She took advantage of the Black Ranger's self-pity and self-isolation when he felt his friends had forgotten his birthday and attacked him in a weak moment. She frickin' melted the Green Ranger's powers and lured him into a trap where he would be forced to fight alone! And somehow the good guys had to overcome any number of things: 1) Themselves (pity and loneliness and fear) in order to 2) overcome the bad guys in order to 3) save the entire world.
But who does that anymore? Krypto the Superdog never has to face himself before he can face his enemies. Batman never learns anything new about himself or grows from his experience.
The villians from back in the day were also just as ruthless with each other as they were with their true enemies. Lord Zedd banishes Rita Repulsa and then kicks the ever-lovin' snot out of the Power Rangers in her stead. He was always calculating, always plotting. The bad guys of the old days were bad ass.
Now what do we get? Most of the bad guys in any given cartoon are joke characters. In Pokemon, Ash (Main character) generally fights a band of thieves and criminals called Team Rocket. Team Rocket rides in a bike pedal submarine, argue and whine about food, and never put up a good fight. They never exploit the weaknesses of Ash, his friends, or his animal fighters. Instead the Electric Rat Pikachu fires off an electro-static knucklechild and sends them flying into the horizon. In the cartoon Shaolin Showdown, the main first in command cronie is a genius child who whines and cries and can never get the better of his adversaries and squanders his own enormous intellect. Why the hell even have bad guys at all?
Now that I've done the "back in my day" story and stepped on my soap box, I'm getting off it and going to bed. But that sure did make me feel loads better.
