And then Dexter said,
*long awkward silence*
It's funny, when I'm at work and I'm mad and articulate, I could think of a million things to say about any number of subjects. Things to do with how I'm feeling, what i think about God, my life, the world. Then I get home and it's gone.
It's funny, but what I do remember about all that time working out my anger at the world on leaves and flowers and sticks, it seems that when I'm at my angriest (especially when I'm angry with God), I'm always doing the one thing that would seem counter-intuitive to how I'm feeling. For example, I was cleaning up a bed of pansies so they'd bloom more and faster. And while I'm being mad as hell at God, suddenly I start working out a small lesson to be learned from the flowers. I was pinching off the seed pods that the plants grew so they would put more of their energy into blossoming since they have to make a flower before they can make seeds. And I was thinking how God tends to do these kinds of things to us. So we can blossom better. I don't know what was more infuriating: the place that God has placed me in his so-called grand scheme or that I'm continuing to formulate ways to explain Him, defend Him, and make disciples for Him despite the fact that I would hit Him as soon as hug Him.
Of course there is pain. Not bodily pain. That can be worked through, stretched out, and massaged out. It's the inner pain. I guess it's useful. The madder I get and the worse I hurt, the harder I work to get past it. I'm like the Incredible Hulk of lawn care and horticulture.
Keep moving. Stay flying.
It's funny, when I'm at work and I'm mad and articulate, I could think of a million things to say about any number of subjects. Things to do with how I'm feeling, what i think about God, my life, the world. Then I get home and it's gone.
It's funny, but what I do remember about all that time working out my anger at the world on leaves and flowers and sticks, it seems that when I'm at my angriest (especially when I'm angry with God), I'm always doing the one thing that would seem counter-intuitive to how I'm feeling. For example, I was cleaning up a bed of pansies so they'd bloom more and faster. And while I'm being mad as hell at God, suddenly I start working out a small lesson to be learned from the flowers. I was pinching off the seed pods that the plants grew so they would put more of their energy into blossoming since they have to make a flower before they can make seeds. And I was thinking how God tends to do these kinds of things to us. So we can blossom better. I don't know what was more infuriating: the place that God has placed me in his so-called grand scheme or that I'm continuing to formulate ways to explain Him, defend Him, and make disciples for Him despite the fact that I would hit Him as soon as hug Him.
Of course there is pain. Not bodily pain. That can be worked through, stretched out, and massaged out. It's the inner pain. I guess it's useful. The madder I get and the worse I hurt, the harder I work to get past it. I'm like the Incredible Hulk of lawn care and horticulture.
Keep moving. Stay flying.
posted by Justin | 6:38 PM
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