Faith from a personal standpoint.
It's been maybe 6 days since I found out about the youth minister position bombing out. I'm still peeved about it, but I'm not really fighting God about it anymore. I feel like those odd car commercials. My plans are wrecked and now all I need is that "Now What?" slogan to appear over the close up of my stunned expression.
On the bright side, I've started writing my book regularly. I write for a couple hours every night. I wound up re-reading the thing last week and I actually cut out a lot of what I had written. Most of what I cut out was hokey or unrealistic. Or some of it I simply didn't know much about. So I'm filling in the gaps with stuff that seems more down to earth.
My job isn't any easier to bear because of all this, but at least I don't hate my job. We're in the middle of inspections right now for most of the bakeries. It makes scheduling hard, and separates me and my boss for much of the week. It all adds up to a hectic time and not much of it for settling my other business. my GACE scores came in a week or so ago, so I need to wrap up my grad school applications. Unfortunately I don't know if the universities have thrown out my application. I started applying in June and had to wait until August to take the GACE (required by both schools). I don't know if it'd do me any good to send them the scores or not.
It'd much rather just visit the universities myself and find it all out. Phone bureaucracy is never fun. Plus, I find it uncomfortable to deal with issues that will lead to the termination of my employment around my boss.
Honestly, I'm thinking about just plain quitting my job. I know I don't have another job lined up, but I can't figure out a good way to get the time I need to get my life in order without feeling like I'm torturing the crap out of my boss. He's a great guy, and I actually view him as a mentor. But he knows I won't be with him much longer and I think he's ultimately waiting for me to let him know when I'm leaving so he can prepare himself for business work when I'm gone. Plus, nothing's really turning up as a good alternative to pest control. If nothing else, I'm sure Toys R Us is hiring again for Christmas. I could probably get re-hired pretty easily for the season at least.
I feel like I'm being pressed onward into the next so-called season of my life. I also feel like I've go nowhere to land. I'm thinking I ought to be like how I picture my main character, Wei Wu Wei. Whenever I picture a snapshot of him in action, he's in the middle of this gigantic locomotive jump. He's going for maximum height and distance. His entire body is stretched out--his legs are fully extended due to the leap he just made and his arms and hands are stretched out to their fullest. His face is wrought with desperation and hope as he puts all he has into leaving the spot where he is and trying to get to the spot where he wants to be.
Perhaps that's what I have to do. I have to jump away from the place that I so desperately don't want to remain and stretch out for the place I do want to be and hope that when I start to descend from my jump that there will be something at my destination to grab hold of.
Leaps of faith indeed.
Hier kommt die sonne.
Sie ist die hellste sterne von alle.
Es wird nie von himmel fallen.
On the bright side, I've started writing my book regularly. I write for a couple hours every night. I wound up re-reading the thing last week and I actually cut out a lot of what I had written. Most of what I cut out was hokey or unrealistic. Or some of it I simply didn't know much about. So I'm filling in the gaps with stuff that seems more down to earth.
My job isn't any easier to bear because of all this, but at least I don't hate my job. We're in the middle of inspections right now for most of the bakeries. It makes scheduling hard, and separates me and my boss for much of the week. It all adds up to a hectic time and not much of it for settling my other business. my GACE scores came in a week or so ago, so I need to wrap up my grad school applications. Unfortunately I don't know if the universities have thrown out my application. I started applying in June and had to wait until August to take the GACE (required by both schools). I don't know if it'd do me any good to send them the scores or not.
It'd much rather just visit the universities myself and find it all out. Phone bureaucracy is never fun. Plus, I find it uncomfortable to deal with issues that will lead to the termination of my employment around my boss.
Honestly, I'm thinking about just plain quitting my job. I know I don't have another job lined up, but I can't figure out a good way to get the time I need to get my life in order without feeling like I'm torturing the crap out of my boss. He's a great guy, and I actually view him as a mentor. But he knows I won't be with him much longer and I think he's ultimately waiting for me to let him know when I'm leaving so he can prepare himself for business work when I'm gone. Plus, nothing's really turning up as a good alternative to pest control. If nothing else, I'm sure Toys R Us is hiring again for Christmas. I could probably get re-hired pretty easily for the season at least.
I feel like I'm being pressed onward into the next so-called season of my life. I also feel like I've go nowhere to land. I'm thinking I ought to be like how I picture my main character, Wei Wu Wei. Whenever I picture a snapshot of him in action, he's in the middle of this gigantic locomotive jump. He's going for maximum height and distance. His entire body is stretched out--his legs are fully extended due to the leap he just made and his arms and hands are stretched out to their fullest. His face is wrought with desperation and hope as he puts all he has into leaving the spot where he is and trying to get to the spot where he wants to be.
Perhaps that's what I have to do. I have to jump away from the place that I so desperately don't want to remain and stretch out for the place I do want to be and hope that when I start to descend from my jump that there will be something at my destination to grab hold of.
Leaps of faith indeed.
Hier kommt die sonne.
Sie ist die hellste sterne von alle.
Es wird nie von himmel fallen.
posted by Justin | 1:43 PM
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