The Screeching Halt.

I still think I ought to quit my job. No, I don't have another job on the horizon. Honestly, I don't think there will be until I get out. Then again, maybe that's the desperation talking.

I made a solid move towards grad school today. I got in contact with a person who can help me with my UWG application.

I made a small step toward completing my book. I wrote maybe a quarter of a page. Now I'm stuck again.

I need free time. Free time to apply for substitute teaching. Free time to find another job. Free time to finish my volunteer paper work and then actually volunteer. I've not done anything with the youth since the Sunday before last.

I'm better than this, right? I'm more dedicated, more focused, and stronger willed. Right? I'm bigger, stronger, more powerful. Right?

Truth is I feel shackled. I feel negative, sluggish, and spineless. I still have positive expectations for the future. It's the present that I don't like.

It seems like I'm in perpetual twilight. It's not dark yet. But it's certainly not very bright.

Perhaps I'm depressed.

But by now I've learned that I'm still there because I refuse to resign myself to my position. Even if I can't really do much about it, the fact that I don't like it means something.

Baby steps. The thousand mile journey begins with but one step.