Priorities.

My priorities recently have been peculiarly vague to me for some time now.

For the most part I'm trying to get a job, get out on my own, and marry the most wonderful girl I have ever met.

Those priorities are good. In fact, I think that those priorities are correct. But my other priorities? Well, let's just say they don't look so good.

I used to keep a sharp eye on my diet. Not anymore!

I used to have outdoor activity set as a priority. That's gone.

I used to regularly study my Bible and pray. Unfortunately the phrase, "The Bible, prayer? What's that?" now seems more like my actual stance and less like a joke.

I used to be such a hard-ass. I bore physical discomfort without complaint. My will was powerful enough to allow me to go without so many things that were unnecessary for me. It's how I stopped drinking soft drinks and kept the TV and Playstation turned off for so long.

Now I eat too much and have way too many colas for my own good. I log on average 4 or 5 hours of Warcraft a day. Usually I cap it at two.

I'm a mess!

Jesus said "seek first the Kingdom of God, and all other things shall be added to you."

Though I am working towards finding a career serving the Almighty, I'm not sure I'm seeking the Kingdom of God. Unfortunately I just feel so trapped. Trapped by my location, situation, and most of all, myself.

I keep thinking that as soon as I break free of my parents' house and get out on my own, I'll be able to turn it all around no sweat. But if I can do it once I leave my parents' house, why can't I do it now?

I think I'm ultimately making excuses.

I promised God a book. I think I'll start there. If I can create a character that I can admire and aspire to be, then I can be like what I imagine is the ideal. And if I really stop to pray about the book and make it what God wants, then I can pray like that about anything else. I prayed to make a God-driven Dragonball Z TCG deck. The results were amazing. I think I can do it here too.

From the small things, learn about the big things. From the one, learn about the many.
--Miyamoto Musashi